People like me are extremely fortunate in that a wide variety of utterly fantastic things always happen to them. Why, just the other day I was sweeping up a shattered Snapple bottle off the floor in the bathroom at church when to my surprise, a moderate gust hit the side of my head. Was it a misdirected hymnal? No, I was not preaching. Was it a drunk blowing kisses at angels? No, we use grape juice for communion. Was it the Holy Spirit come down to sweep with me? Hmm...I am trying to figure out how that would work. Do you think the Holy Spirit would take the broom and make it dance like those brooms from that horribly long and dreadfully boring Disney musical montage? I will pause to allow for ponderance.

---Pause---

Since this train of thought will no doubt lead to flashbacks of mice wearing dunce caps, dancing asian mushrooms, tutu doting hippos, and a wide assortment of other "trippy-type" things, I now encourage you to seek professional help.

---Play---

Nope! Not the Holy Spirit. I put down my dust pan and looked to my right to find myself face to face with an automatic time-release air freshener. And then I realized...I had been sprayed.

There is nothing sexier than smelling like a church bathroom.